Someone said "If your strength is small, don't carry heavy burdens. "
I wonder if i had the strength to carry this burden right now. I don't know if it's really a burden, or it is just a test. I felt so neglected, doing things to someone which he doesn't even seem to care. After my mom left us, I know I got a big responsibility to take good care of my siblings, since I am the eldest. A lot of adjustments to accept, many things to do. I keep on questioning myself, can I do this?, i was 13 back then, wala pang masiyadong ka-alam2x sa mundo. I used to depend on my mother in taking good care of my siblings and disciplining them, doing the laundry and all the motherhood stuff. And suddenly those things are into my shoulders(Ang hirap!!). But I can't do nothing but to accept the fact that this is my life now, and i have to embrace this responsibility and lift them up to Lord. As we grew up, my brothers acted like they didn't care. My words are worthless, my deeds are meaningless. Maybe there is something wrong with me that made them treat me this way. I just did the things that I think is the best for them. Giving them what they need and what they want, of course with the help of my papa, However it seemed like it's not enough. I use mile patience to understand them, i keep on telling myself that they are too young to understand that what I am doing is for their own good. Last month I was crying hard when my father told me that my brother is not going to school anymore. I tried to convince him to go back to school, but he acted like I was not there. Our relationship is not in good terms right now. I chose not to talk to him, ignore him like what he did, i chose not to let him know that i still care. hopefully he'll realize my existence through my absence.
I've always been praying that someday he'll realize that he was wrong and do the right thing. I am not losing hope, I know God is always there. He's watching and will do something to make things better. I've been wishing that someday he'll realize my worth.
I wonder if i had the strength to carry this burden right now. I don't know if it's really a burden, or it is just a test. I felt so neglected, doing things to someone which he doesn't even seem to care. After my mom left us, I know I got a big responsibility to take good care of my siblings, since I am the eldest. A lot of adjustments to accept, many things to do. I keep on questioning myself, can I do this?, i was 13 back then, wala pang masiyadong ka-alam2x sa mundo. I used to depend on my mother in taking good care of my siblings and disciplining them, doing the laundry and all the motherhood stuff. And suddenly those things are into my shoulders(Ang hirap!!). But I can't do nothing but to accept the fact that this is my life now, and i have to embrace this responsibility and lift them up to Lord. As we grew up, my brothers acted like they didn't care. My words are worthless, my deeds are meaningless. Maybe there is something wrong with me that made them treat me this way. I just did the things that I think is the best for them. Giving them what they need and what they want, of course with the help of my papa, However it seemed like it's not enough. I use mile patience to understand them, i keep on telling myself that they are too young to understand that what I am doing is for their own good. Last month I was crying hard when my father told me that my brother is not going to school anymore. I tried to convince him to go back to school, but he acted like I was not there. Our relationship is not in good terms right now. I chose not to talk to him, ignore him like what he did, i chose not to let him know that i still care. hopefully he'll realize my existence through my absence.
I've always been praying that someday he'll realize that he was wrong and do the right thing. I am not losing hope, I know God is always there. He's watching and will do something to make things better. I've been wishing that someday he'll realize my worth.
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